Sex toys — also called adult toys or “marital aids” — are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.
It’s totally normal to use sex toys, but it’s also totally normal not to — it’s a personal decision, and everyone’s different. As long as you’re using sex toys safely, there’s nothing harmful about it.
All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm — this is especially common for people with vulvas. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their partners.
For transgender, nonbinary, or gender nonconforming people, certain sex toys may help affirm their gender identity or help relieve gender dysphoria.
Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.
Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypoactive sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause — like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.
Sharing sex toys with other people can spread STDs — if someone who has an STD uses a sex toy, the body fluids on that toy can spread the infection to the next person who uses that toy. So if you’re using a sex toy with a partner, it’s important to take steps to help prevent STDs.
Wash your sex toys with mild soap and water after you use them, and before they touch another person’s genitals. Putting condoms on sex toys can help keep them clean and prevent the spread of STDs. Just make sure you change condoms before the toy touches another person’s genitals.
If you’re using a sex toy in your anus, make sure you use lots of lube. The anus doesn’t lubricate itself (get wet) the way a vagina does, so putting something in your butt without adding lube can be painful, uncomfortable, and even unsafe. And never put a sex toy that’s been in an anus into a vagina without washing it or changing the condom first. If germs from your anus get into your vagina, it can lead to vaginitis.
It’s also important to make sure that any sex toy you use in your anus has a wide base or some other way to keep it from going all the way in. If a sex toy goes so far into your anus that you can’t reach it, you may need to see a nurse or doctor to get it out. (You can’t lose a sex toy in your vagina because your cervix blocks the end of it.)
Don’t use silicone lube with silicone sex toys (unless you put condoms on them) — silicone lube can react with the solid silicone in your toy and damage it. Water-based lube is a safe bet to use with any sex toy (and any condom).
If you’re putting a sex toy inside your body (mouth, vagina, or anus), it’s best to use one made of a body-safe, non-porous material — like 100% silicone (not silicone blends), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, and break-resistant glass. Toys made from non-porous materials don’t absorb germs and are easier to keep clean.
Sex toys made from materials that may be porous — like silicone blends, jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, TPR, TPE, elastomer, or other rubbery plastics — can absorb germs that can lead to infections, even if you always wash your toy. But you can always use a condom on your toy to help it stay clean and keep any possible germs on it out of your body.
For the best way to clean and care for your sex toy, read the directions that came with it or ask the staff at your local sex toy store.
It’s always best to use sex toys that are specifically made to be sex toys, especially if you’re putting them inside your body. DIY sex toys might not be safe, especially if they can break, have rough, sharp, or loose parts, or are made of materials that are unsanitary or can cause a reaction.
Good sex comes from understanding how your body works. Everyone likes different things when it comes to sex, so don’t worry about whether you’re “normal.”
Sex isn’t one size fits all. What feels good to you might not be right for someone else. Everyone’s different when it comes to sexual behaviors and desires, but here are some common kinds of sexual activity:
People get turned on by different things, so communicating about what you like or don’t like lets your partner know what’s OK and what’s off limits.
Having a healthy sex life is good for you both emotionally and physically. Sex can help you create a connection with another person, and sexual pleasure has lots of health benefits — whether you’re with a partner or not. When you have an orgasm, your body gives you a natural high. You release endorphins, which are hormones that block pain and make you feel good.
There are lots of other health benefits associated with sexual pleasure:
There’s no amount of sex that’s considered “normal” — everyone’s different. How often you have sex depends on a lot of things, like whether you have a partner, what else is going on in your life, and how strong your sex drive (your desire to have sex) is.
People have different sex drives. Your own sex drive can change based on things like stress, medications you take, and other physical, emotional, and lifestyle factors. Some people want to have sex every day or more than once a day, and some people hardly ever want to have sex. People who don't experience any sexual attraction for anyone may call themselves asexual.
Having a healthy sex life is about taking care of yourself, whether you have a partner or not. Physically, that means practicing safer sex, getting tested for STDs regularly, preventing unintended pregnancies, and seeing a doctor or nurse if you have a sexual disorder or any other health problems.
Feeling good about your body, enjoying sexual pleasure, being comfortable with your sexual orientation and gender identity, and having healthy relationships are also big parts of healthy sexuality. Having a healthy sex life means knowing what you do and don’t want to do sexually and being able to communicate that to your partners. Your partner should respect your boundaries, and you should respect theirs.
Talking to your partner about your likes and dislikes and your boundaries helps you build a healthy relationship and have a satisfying sex life.
Sometimes you expect a new partner to know what to do sexually…then end up being disappointed when things just don’t feel that good. Luckily, there’s a pretty simple way to turn sex that’s just okay into a great experience: communication.
Everyone is different, so no matter how experienced your partner is, they may have no idea what makes you excited. You have to let your partner know what you like and what feels good. And it’s good to keep the lines of communication open even if you’ve been together awhile, because what feels good or what you’re interested in doing may change over time.
Some people figure out what they like by having sex with someone, and others get to know their bodies by masturbating. Learning how to have orgasms on your own can make it easier to have one with someone else.
Where do you want to be touched? How much pressure feels good? How fast or slow? You can show your partner what you like by masturbating in front of them or by guiding their hand, mouth, or other body part. Or you can tell them what feels good (or what doesn’t).
Talking about sex might feel a little scary or awkward, but it can also be a big turn-on. And your partner might really appreciate you for bringing it up. If you’re nervous, you can always start by asking them what feels good or what type of sexual activities they’re interested in. Then you can talk about what feels good to you. It’s also a good opportunity to let them know what your boundaries are and what types of sex you’re NOT interested in.
Arousal is the feeling of being turned on sexually. When you’re turned on, your body experiences physical and emotional changes. Your penis or clitoris may get erect (hard), engorged, and sensitive, and you may feel wetness on your vulva or vagina, or on the tip of your penis.
You can become aroused from sexual stimulation alone or with a partner, fantasizing or having sexual thoughts, or reading, watching, or listening to erotic materials (like porn). Arousal can also happen when certain parts of your body are touched that are very sensitive (also called "erogenous zones"). But not everyone feels sexually aroused from touch.
Feeling aroused can lead to many physical reactions or none at all. Some of the changes that can happen to your body when you’re aroused include:
Your sex drive (sometimes called your “libido”) is when you feel desire to be sexual, or are mentally or physically excited about engaging in sexual activities — like masturbation, sexual thoughts, fantasies, or sexual contact with a partner.
Everyone’s sex drive is different. There’s no “normal” amount you should want to have sex — everyone’s sexual desire and interest in sex is different, and it can change over time.
Your sex drive can change based on things like stress, medicines you take, and other physical, emotional, and lifestyle factors. Some people want to have sex every day or more than once a day, while some people rarely or never want to have sex. Some people need to have a strong emotional connection with someone in order to be interested in sex (sometimes called demisexual). Other people may not need or even want to have an emotional connection with the people they have sex with. People who don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone may identify as asexual.
If you have a low sex drive and it bothers or upsets you, you may have something called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. There are lots of things you can do to help increase your sex drive if you want to.
Some body parts have lots of nerve endings and make you feel excited or aroused when they’re touched — those are your erogenous zones. The biggest erogenous zone for most people is their genital area: the vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, anus, perineum, penis, scrotum, and prostate. Other common erogenous zones include your breasts and nipples, neck, lips, mouth, tongue, back, fingers, toes, hands, feet, earlobes, buttocks, and thighs. But usually the penis and clitoris are the most sensitive.
Any part of your body can be considered sexual — everyone’s different, and so are their erogenous zones. What feels good to you might not feel good to your partners, so you have to ask them to find out!
The sexual response cycle is how your body reacts to sexual stimulation. It can happen with a partner, by yourself…and even in your sleep! You don’t always go through all stages of the cycle — you can stop at any time.
The first step is desire, or having sexually arousing thoughts. That can lead to excitement, when your body gets ready for sex. Your heart rate goes up, your muscles tense, and blood flows to your genitals.
The next step is the plateau phase, when you’re really aroused and keep that feeling going by masturbating or having sex.
At the end of the plateau phase is orgasm, when the tension you built up is released in a series of muscle spasms that feel really good. Your body releases endorphins — hormones that make you feel happy and relaxed.
The resolution phase happens at the end of the sexual response cycle, whether you have an orgasm or not. Resolution means your body goes back to how it was before you got aroused.
An orgasm is what usually happens when you reach the height of sexual arousal. It usually feels really good. When you have an orgasm — aka cum or climax — sexual tension increases until it reaches a peak, and pressure in your body and genitals is released.
Every person’s body is different, but there are a few physical signs of an orgasm. The most noticeable sign is a very intense, pleasurable feeling in your genitals and throughout your body. The muscles in your vagina or penis, as well as your anus, contract (squeeze) about once per second, 5-8 times. Your heart rate and breathing levels also go up.
During an orgasm, your penis usually squirts a small amount (1-2 tablespoons) of semen (cum) — this is called ejaculation. It’s possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating or to ejaculate without having an orgasm, but they usually happen together.
It’s common for your vagina to get really wet before and during an orgasm. It’s also possible for a different fluid to squirt or dribble out of your vulva before or during an orgasm (this is sometimes called female ejaculation, or squirting). This fluid isn’t pee. Ejaculation from a vulva is less common than ejaculation from a penis — some people do it and some people don’t — either is totally normal.
Right after an orgasm, your clitoris or the glans (head) of your penis can feel very sensitive or uncomfortable to touch. You may have “sex flush” — your chest, neck, and face change color for a short amount of time. Orgasms release endorphins (feel-good hormones), so you might feel sleepy, relaxed, and happy afterwards — this is why some people orgasm to relieve pain, stress, or help them go to sleep.
Orgasms don’t feel the same for every person, or every time you have one — some are very intense, some are very mild, and some are in-between. They vary for a number of reasons, including how comfortable you are, how sexually excited you are, and how much sexual tension you built up before you had your orgasm.
Most orgasms happen during masturbation or sex (like oral, anal, or vaginal sex), when you or a partner stimulates (touches or rubs) your genitals. People with vulvas usually have orgasms through stimulation of their clitoris, vagina, and/or anus. People with penises usually have orgasms through stimulation of their penis, testicles, and/or anus. A few people can have orgasms from other things, like nipple stimulation or even just thinking sexy thoughts.
Many things can impact your ability to have an orgasm, like your hormones, emotions, past experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, relationships, physical or mental health, taking certain medicines, and using alcohol or drugs.
Some people can have orgasms quickly and easily, others need more time and effort. You might be able to have an orgasm in some circumstances but not others, depending on who you’re with or what you’re doing. Everyone’s body is different and there’s not one “right” way to have an orgasm.
Some people need to have certain parts of their body stimulated in a very specific way or with certain objects (like vibrators) to have an orgasm. A lot of people with vulvas have orgasms by stimulating their clitorises, but not by penetrating their vaginas — some can’t have an orgasm through their vagina at all. All of these differences are normal. It may take time and practice to learn how to have an orgasm. Experimenting with what feels good can help you understand your body and what feels good for you.
Try not to put any pressure on yourself or your partner to have an orgasm. Not everybody can have orgasms during sex or with other people around. Or sometimes the circumstances just aren’t right (you’re nervous, tired, or distracted for example). Some people never have orgasms at all. If you and/or your partner don’t have an orgasm, it doesn’t mean you’re not into each other or you’re bad at sex. Sex and masturbation can be intimate, enjoyable, and fun with or without orgasms. If you’re struggling to have orgasms and it bothers you, you may have orgasm disorder. It’s really common, and there are treatments to help.